In the pursuit of leadership excellence, character often proves more consequential than competence. I’ve found this especially true for myself. One of the hallmarks of my own personal development as a leader has been intellectual honesty – a willingness to face one’s self in the mirror and admit when I’m full of it. I look at myself for character flaws, and then I refuse to make excuses over it. I deal with it, however sticky it gets or however long it takes.
Among the character flaws that can silently erode a leader’s effectiveness, mean-spiritedness stands as particularly damaging. This caustic trait—manifesting in pettiness, vindictiveness, and the unseemly celebration of others’ failures—undermines the very foundation upon which effective leadership must stand: trust, respect, and willing followership.
The Victory Lap Trap
When your political party wins or your position is proven right, how do you respond? Do you extend a hand to the vanquished, or do you dance upon their disappointment? History’s most respected leaders consistently chose magnanimity over mockery.
Abraham Lincoln set the gold standard in his Second Inaugural Address, delivered as the Civil War neared its conclusion:
“With malice toward none, with charity for all… let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds.”
Take all the time you need with that one.
Lincoln understood that leadership after victory required healing, not humiliation. When asked why he didn’t seek to punish the Confederate leaders more harshly, Lincoln reportedly replied, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
Nelson Mandela, who emerged from 27 years of imprisonment to lead South Africa beyond apartheid, demonstrated this principle in action. Rather than seeking vengeance against those who had oppressed him and millions of Black South Africans, he established the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and even invited his former jailers to his presidential inauguration. He explained:
“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”
This approach wasn’t merely morally admirable—it was strategically essential. As Mandela noted:
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
The leader who indulges in vengeful victory laps poisons their own effectiveness first.
Winston Churchill, who understood both victory and defeat intimately, counseled: “In victory, magnanimity.” He recognized that tomorrow’s coalition-building requires today’s restraint.
The Cost of Celebrating Others’ Mistakes
The second manifestation of mean-spiritedness—taking pleasure when others are wrong—proves equally destructive to leadership effectiveness. When a leader visibly relishes being proven right at someone else’s expense, they create an environment where honest disagreement becomes dangerous and innovation withers.
Ray Dalio, founder of Bridgewater Associates and advocate for what he calls an “idea meritocracy,” directly addresses this leadership pitfall:
“If you’re trying to figure out what’s true and you have people who disagree with you, it should be exciting. You should think, ‘Wow, maybe they can see something that I can’t see.’ But most people, when faced with disagreement, get angry or upset.”
This excitement about potential learning—rather than vindication—marks the difference between growth-oriented and mean-spirited leadership.
Admiral Hyman Rickover, father of the nuclear navy, understood how celebrating others’ mistakes stifles the honest communication leaders need:
“When doing a job—any job—one must feel that he owns it, and act as though he will remain in that job forever… If a man is thought of as merely a temporary occupant, and if he feels that as such, he will not care about the result of his work… You get what you expect.”
Leaders who expect—and seem to hope for—failure from those with opposing views will generally find exactly that.
Jeff Bezos addressed this directly in an Amazon shareholders letter:
“If you’re good at course correcting, being wrong may be less costly than you think, whereas being slow is going to be expensive for sure.”
Leaders who celebrate when others are wrong create organizations where everyone moves slowly, afraid to be the next target of ridicule.
The Masonic Perspective
Freemasonry has long emphasized character development as essential to leadership. Brother George Washington demonstrated this principle when he responded to political attacks not with counterattacks but with service. As he noted:
“I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.”
Washington understood that pettiness diminishes this character, while magnanimity elevates it.
Brother Benjamin Franklin, whose leadership spanned science, diplomacy, and politics, observed:
“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do.”
Franklin recognized that the truly effective leader moves beyond petty criticism to constructive engagement.
Another Mason, Theodore Roosevelt, directly addressed the destructive nature of vindictiveness:
“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.”
This essential leadership skill becomes nearly impossible when one indulges in mean-spiritedness.
The Practical Consequences of Mean-Spiritedness
Mean-spiritedness sabotages leadership effectiveness in multiple ways:
- It destroys psychological safety. When team members fear mockery or celebration of their mistakes, they stop taking risks and sharing ideas.
- It creates unnecessary resistance. People naturally resist following those who have humiliated them or their allies.
- It signals emotional immaturity. Mean-spiritedness suggests a leader lacks the emotional self-regulation necessary for sound judgment.
- It undermines moral authority. Leaders who indulge in pettiness lose the moral standing to demand ethical behavior from others.
- It wastes precious energy. Nursing grudges and celebrating others’ failures consumes mental and emotional resources better directed toward constructive ends.
As management expert Simon Sinek notes:
“Leadership is not about being in charge. Leadership is about taking care of those in your charge.”
It’s impossible to truly care for those you secretly hope to see fail.
Building an Idea Meritocracy
The alternative to mean-spirited leadership is building what Ray Dalio calls an “idea meritocracy”—an environment where the best ideas win regardless of their source. When someone disagrees with you, do you hope they’re wrong, or are you genuinely curious about what they might see that you don’t?
As Adam Grant, organizational psychologist and author, observes:
“Leaders who can’t handle being challenged are the ones who need it most.”
The leader who celebrates being proven right at others’ expense demonstrates precisely this kind of brittle leadership.
Warren Buffett, whose partnership with Charlie Munger has been characterized by vigorous but respectful disagreement, explains:
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
This includes saying “no” to the impulse to indulge in mean-spiritedness, even when it might feel momentarily satisfying.
Conclusion: The Higher Road
Mean-spiritedness offers fleeting satisfaction at the cost of lasting leadership effectiveness. The momentary pleasure of the victory lap or the vindicated argument pales compared to the sustainable impact of magnanimity and genuine intellectual curiosity.
As Mahatma Gandhi advised:
“I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.”
Getting along doesn’t mean avoiding conflict or disagreement—it means conducting those necessary tensions with respect rather than spite.
Leadership expert John C. Maxwell captured this principle succinctly:
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
The mean-spirited leader who celebrates political victories or others’ mistakes demonstrates care only for their own vindication, not for those they purport to lead.
For Masons and non-Masons alike, the lesson remains the same: true leadership requires rising above pettiness and embracing a larger vision. As Henry Ford observed:
“Don’t find fault, find a remedy.”
A leader focused on finding fault—and celebrating when it’s found in others—will never build the kind of trust and commitment needed to identify and implement those remedies.
In analyzing myself and my leadership, mean-spiritedness represents not strength but weakness—a failure of self-mastery that inevitably leads to a failure of leadership. I am highly incetivized to strike this behavior from my thought process, as I fully believe the only way we can perpetuate the Craft is to bring everyone along. The truly effective leader chooses the harder path of magnanimity, knowing that this path, though sometimes personally challenging, leads more surely to collective success.
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